Watching myself fail is such an interesting experience.
How my body curled up as the shame kicked in and slowly consumed me.
How thoughts of being incapable of every other thing started running in my head.
How my chest physically hurt and my tears wouldn't stop flowing.
I forced myself to face my biggest fear, “I failed..”
I say it over and over again and each time, a little louder. It was as though a prisoner was getting out of my chest, letting me breathe better, giving me space.
As I owned my failure, it was like I was taming such a giant monster and suddenly, it was on my side now.
Then I found myself laughing. “I failed!! I failed!!” I failed and the world did not end and I learned a new thing and I became braver and I tried!!
When I started to embrace it, it opened my eyes to what it really was— my ally.
It showed me how it’s propelling me forward to better things, to what I want, to the person I want to become.
Washing me of my pride and ego.
Washing off my self-righteousness.
Giving me better stories. Bigger miracles.
I heard failure say —
Allow yourself to experience me.
Give yourself grace.
Let patience finish its work.
It brings forth perseverance.
And it will produce the kind of hope that never fails.
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